Unforgiveness

Good morning, everyone.

Thank you for that introduction to Contempt Cal, and I think I've got something in here.

I wonder if anyone wants to drink any of this this morning.

I didn't think so, and I wouldn't recommend it either.

It has been quoted that holding unforgiveness in our lives is like drinking poison and expecting the person that hurt us to be affected by it, when really the damage is being done to ourselves.

We're all exposed to unforgiveness.

We're bombarded in the news, our own life events, those of our friends and family with stories of unjust behavior, resentment, retaliation.

When we hear a heartbreaking story on the news of a family who've gone through a devastating incident, it often goes with the narrative, I will never forgive those that have done this.

It's not hard for us to understand these feelings.

In our world, people are abused, they're hurt, neglected, wronged by others.

And that may even be the case for some of us here.

Occasionally we will hear of someone who's been able to forgive.

And that really stands out, doesn't it?

It's not just the big things either.

There are also the more everyday harmful things that happen to us like an unthoughtful or offensive comment, a lie about us passed on to another, an undermining of character, or even a deliberate withholding of love or support.

All these things cause us hurt.

Has anyone seen how a small offense in a family can grow to cause division?

One party is waiting for the other to apologize, which doesn't eventuate, and if allowed to take root, the thing that started out as fairly small gets bigger and bigger and definitely causes real awkwardness within the family.

I saw this happen in my own extended family, and I also saw the angst and division that it caused.

This stuff is real, isn't it?

I certainly don't want to make light of anything that we may have been through.

It can be a real struggle to forgive.

But I do want to highlight the effect of harbouring unforgiveness in our hearts, and also find out what Jesus has to say about forgiveness.

So what is unforgiveness doing to us?

Holding unforgiveness is actually causing us the pain and messing us up.

Remember the poison quote.

By reliving the incident, we can rob ourselves of the joy of living.

It blocks our own freedom and ability to move forward as we are continuing to hold and be offended by what happened.

Unforgiveness can cause bitterness to take root inside by going over and over the incident and refusing to forgive.

The more it occupies our thoughts and can shape our personality and change us.

It's like a poison, like Cal was saying as well.

It can distort our view on life and others.

And the root can grow and spread and become increasingly difficult to remove as it becomes part of who we are.

And we can become a place for pride, anger, and entitlement to develop.

This can work like a downward cycle.

How dare they have done this to me?

They need to apologize.

I have a right to retaliate.

You can see how the cycle can develop if we allow it to.

And we can build a wall around our lives as a kind of self-preservation method, so we can't possibly get hurt in this way again.

But what are those walls really doing?

They actually become an imprisonment for us.

We're not free behind those walls, and it affects our relationships with others.

Also, by holding on to an offense, we are giving the enemy a foothold.

Unresolved bitterness and an unforgiving spirit give room for the evil one, so we're making ourselves spiritually vulnerable too.

An unforgiveness hinders our fellowship with God.

In Mark 11, Jesus says, if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you.

So if I'm choosing not to forgive, I'm actually causing a barrier for God to work in my life.

So this is the result of being unforgiving.

Now, we can see how it's like a poison in our lives inside, causing us incredible harm, while the person who's hurt us, they could be completely unaware.

So our father God doesn't want us to live like this.

Through his word, he shows us a different way to live, a better way to live.

So let's look at what the Bible says about forgiveness.

Similar to Mark 11, in Matthew 6, Jesus is teaching about how to pray.

And directly after the Lord's prayer, he says, for if you forgive other people, when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.

In other words, when we do forgive others, God forgives us.

So forgiveness releases forgiveness from God towards us.

Elsewhere, Jesus was asked, how many times should we forgive our neighbor who sins against us?

Matthew 18, in Matthew 18, when Peter asked if it should be seven times, maybe he thought that was plenty.

Jesus asked him, no, not seven times, but 77 times.

That's quite a few more times, and some translations actually say 70 times, seven times, which is 490 times.

And, whew, Jesus is saying we're meant to keep on forgiving.

However many times, or every time we think about that thing that happened, we need to forgive as many times as it takes to stop it affecting us.

Ephesians 4, Paul gives useful instructions for holy living.

He says, get rid of all bitterness, the poison.

Rage and anger, along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other.

Just as in Christ, God forgave you.

Even though we can't choose what other people do to us, we do have a choice in how we react to it.

Here we are instructed to forgive, remembering that we ourselves are forgiven.

And in Romans 12, we are implored to live a life of love in action.

Paul encourages the believers to bless those who persecute them and to not repay evil for evil.

So even when we feel like taking revenge, the kingdom principle is teaching a different way, to choose to live at peace with everyone.

To live in the kingdom and be on a journey of being transformed as a disciple means we need to look at these issues seriously.

Jesus clearly tells us to forgive and shows us how forgiveness releases forgiveness.

Paul implores us to get rid of all bitterness, that poison, and choose to live in peace.

These things may seem contrary to our natural response, but as we've seen, unforgiveness is messing us up.

So we need God's grace that is sufficient in our weakness.

With this grace, we can choose to be an overcomer and not allow the offense to hold us in being a victim.

It will take effort and an act of our will to pursue forgiveness.

In our own strength, it can seem too difficult, but in whatever God asks us to do, He gives us the power and the grace to be able to do it.

He doesn't leave us where we are.

Thank you, Lord.

So how do we forgive?

The things that have happened to us may have caused incredible hurt.

So it's not easy.

It's not always easy.

Forgiveness can be a painful process and can take time.

But we can choose, with God's grace, to make a start.

At first, we don't even have to feel forgiving in order to start to choose to forgive.

Some of us may have been waiting for an apology or for some recognition of wrongdoing, maybe for a long time.

But realize this, the person we need to forgive may not ever recognize the hurt they've caused us.

They may never ask us for forgiveness.

They may never apologize.

And maybe we won't ever see them again.

We must bring this process of forgiveness then before God.

He knows everything.

Forgiving a person that has wronged you doesn't condone what they did, but it is enabling you to become free.

So firstly, ask for God's total forgiveness.

You and I may have felt justified in holding on to unforgiveness because of that offense that was done.

We just don't want to let them off that hook, but it is God's will for us to forgive.

As Jesus talked quite clearly, so I must therefore come again to the throne of grace and repent and ask for forgiveness.

1 John 1, 9 tells us that God is faithful and just and will forgive our sins, and we really need God's total forgiveness.

And ask God to give you grace as you choose to be obedient and walk the road of forgiveness.

Think of grace as fuel, as Cal said, for living that kingdom life.

It will enable us to let go and forgive.

Ask God to show you the person as he sees them, as the person whom he loves, and he has a plan and purpose for them, too.

This can have a powerful effect of allowing us to be more merciful and compassionate towards them.

And choose to pray for them.

The Bible teaches us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.

It may not come naturally to us when we've been hurt, but it is hard to continue to harbour hatred inside for someone you're praying for and asking God to bless.

It does actually change the way you start to feel towards them.

Remember, forgiving doesn't mean that the other person, what the other person did to you was right, but it allows us to get rid of that poison that is within us by holding on to the unforgiveness.

You may find you need help and support from others with this.

It can be a real struggle.

So, reach out to someone who can walk with you as you start on this road to forgiveness.

I have been through this process in my life and I can tell you, you'll know the work of forgiveness is complete when you can honestly say you want the best for the other person.

And you're free when you can think about them without any pain, without any hatred, or without any bitterness towards them at all.

With God's grace, it is possible for us to forgive for the things that have happened to us in the past.

And we can choose to position ourselves to have an ongoing attitude of forgiveness towards others that goes on into the future.

Forgiveness can be described as the aroma of a grace-infused life.

So this morning, we've seen that unforgiveness is like a poison.

It is affecting us.

We've seen that the Bible teaches forgiveness and looked at how to forgive.

We look to Jesus as well, as our example, as we choose to live life in the way of the Master.

Ephesians 5 says, Follow God's example.

Walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

On the cross, we remember the words of forgiveness that Jesus was able to speak, when he asked his father to forgive those who do not know what they are doing.

Jesus suffered a lot.

He suffered betrayal.

He suffered abandonment, being falsely accused, scorned, beaten and condemned.

Yet, he chose forgiveness.

Have you suffered at the hands of another?

Have you been betrayed, abandoned, falsely accused, scorned or condemned?

On the cross, in incredible pain, Jesus chose forgiveness.

Are you holding on to unforgiveness today?

Allow God to search your heart and choose to walk with him and to bring about his freedom in the power of his grace.

Let me pray.

Thank you, God, for your grace that is sufficient in our weaknesses.

Thank you, Lord, that you meet us right where we are.

If we've held on to unforgiveness, please give us your grace to be able to make a start on forgiveness today.

Help us to walk in obedience as Jesus did.

Please infuse us with your grace to live a life of ongoing forgiveness towards others and to encourage each other to forgive.

Lord, we look up and to Jesus today and choose your way of forgiveness.

Amen.

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